A Top Gear Fan Fiction
Pairing
: JM x RH, JC x FC
Genre : Friendship, Romance, Hurt/Comfort
Quotes : “I know it’s disgusting, right? Man love man. ....”
Mirrors
Chapter
IV – If You’re Not the One
And
I breathe you, into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today.
‘Cause
I love you, whether it’s wrong or right.
Daniel
Bedingfield – If You’re Not the One
There was a big glass of beer on
James’ hand when he sat at there eyeing Richard who swallowed his supper. They were sitting
in a pub not far from a vine they had visited some minutes ago, where Richard did
his work with some colleague from another vine, talk about wine, field and so on, but
the main topic was still about business.
Thankfully though, he had torn off his gaze from Richard
before the said man aware of his eyes. Made him
glanced over the window watching people passed by on their heels or vehicle,
and couldn’t help from staring at a woman who stood just over the
road, grabbing an umbrella, protecting her from the
cold-light-rain in the evening supported with her brown-black coat.
A single hum, “No, nothing,” he placed back his beer on
the table and watched that woman again.
Richard took a bite before following James’ stare,
spotted a blond woman that he was sure the one that James had looking at,
“She’s pretty, one of your friends?”
“Nope, but she kind of remind me with someone.”
“Oh,” another bite, “Mind you if I ask to share that
memories with me?”
“I’m sorry but I will pass,” he glance a second and
caught Richard’s face from nothing to annoyed, something that made him a little
wonder.
“Okay then, it’s alright, sometimes it is hard for
someone to talk about their ex,” he said, eyes back to his supper. But when he
heard James scoffed, the brown head raised his face frowned, “What?”
“I’m sorry mate, but it’s not like what you think. It’s
about my sister.”
“Sister?”
“Little sister, yeah. I believe you don’t know that,”
James smiled a little then grabbed his beer, took a single sip before
continued, “I’ve had one before, just two years younger than me. But she left
when I reach high school, made us to moved in here.”
“And where did she go?”
“A place, where she couldn’t came back anymore.”
There’s a frown from Richard before he raised one of his
eyebrow, “O, oh my God. Did you mean she was dead?”
“Traffic accident, yeah.”
“Oh my, James. I’m sorry about
that,” He got a small smile from James before his mate’s blue eyes back to that
woman again, “She will look like that if she still alive, that’s what you
think, right? You’ve lost a lot of people mate, all literally was
your family.”
“Is my family.”
“Right, sorry. I just, I just
amazed on how you can handle all of that. I mean, look at me.”
“Oh believe me, I’m not far from you
Hammond.” James cleared his throat before shifting a little
on that brown chair, eyes to Richard. “It’s true that in the past, I could
handle about my sister and father’s death. Because I still had my mother. But
when she died? It’s a different story. You’ve seen me before. We’re same.
That’s why I left that house for years.”
“Jeremy told me that you ever want
to sell your house, but you didn’t.”
“Well, I thought that as that
house escape from my sight I can forget all of
the things that ever happen at there. But then I realize that the house isn’t just save my
family’s memories. It’s also save a lot of the three of us.”
“Oh, you’re so romantic mate. I
can’t believe you still single ‘til now.”
That made this soldier laughed softly, “Woman just remind
me of my little sister. Beside sometimes most of them are..., not right for
me.”
“You deserve better.”
“I just need someone who can understand at each other
with me.” He gulped his beer, “By the way, talking about single, I never heard
about Richard Hammond’s lady either.”
There’s a paused from Richard before he answered him.
“Well, it seems that I have a reason just like yours.”
“Some of them are not right for
you?” Richard nodded which made his brow twitched a little,
“How many times you had date a woman before?”
“Twice.”
“Twice?” he laughed, “You just
date a woman twice and already made a conclusion that they are all same?”
“Oh, shut up James. Once I decide that I won’t date a
woman, then I won’t.”
“But just for a while.”
“Well, I don’t know,” he fixed
his brown eyes right with James’ blue ones then grinning.
“I’m done mate, shall we go? It’s getting dark outside.”
**
James had
started the engine and the Daytona purred softly beneath his touch. Warming
it’s own petrol like a shivering puppy under the light-rain it carried it’s
owner and his colleague passing through the cold evening right to the hamster’s
house.
The street
lamps had been turned on indicated
that the day had passed, and so did the rain. That light-pouring rain had
been stopped just a few miles after James and Richard hit the tarmark from that
pub. Made it more easy for James to watch the road from his helmet’s glasses,
but worse for Richard who trying so hard for not freezing right behind James.
The
temperature had been down a few degree, and Richard’s jacket was not too tick
to covered his small body. He mentally cursed when a single drop from the late rain travelling
through his spine. But then, somehow he had discovered that the only way to
made him a little warm was getting close to James. And so he did.
“’S
warm...,” Richard stiff closer as he gripped tight that man’s
jacket. Not even remember that he could be heard by James via that little
microphone on his helmet. What made him realize was a vague laugh of James’
voice near his ears before that soldier saying something.
“Don’t you remember that I can hear
you Hammond?” he didn’t got any answer which made him assume that the little
man was just blushing under his question.
A clear throat, “Sorry,” he said,
“But it’s really cold I feel. Stupid ideas ever using a motorbike for this
journey.”
James laughed, “I can slowed down a
bit if you –“
“No, it’s okay mate, just please
take me home.”
“As you please, sir.”
That made Richard rolled his eyes,
“You’re not Mark,” he said and got another laughed from James.
Of course
it was not James’ idea for using a motorbike for this long journey, it’s
Richard’s. Though James had told him that there’s a big chance to rain this
evening, Richard kept insisted to take a ride instead of drive. But not for James knew, it
was because he had missed the time when the two of them still could ride together to
nowhere to spent their free time. Happy for Richard, after a little argument
they had, James gave up and agreed with him.
The
Daytona went faster as Richard tightened his embrace. Though he couldn’t see
how much the speedo it had, he could felt by James arms that this soldier had
trying to maxed his white motorbike hard. In case they could reach home faster.
And now, the only thing that made him shivering was not because of the cold
anymore. More to the safety.
He opened
his mouth to told James for slowed down a bit, but he closed it again. Richard had known James not
for a long time, that’s the fact. But somehow, he could
understand James more easily than he could
understand Jeremy who basically, was his childhood friend. And that made sense
why he could understand the reason why James, who usually brought the safety first, rode like a
lunatic on a slippery road in the evening with him as passenger.
He was
tired.
And he didn’t want to break James’
wall of patient by disturb him.
Minutes had passed and no one said
nothing on the road, but sometimes James called Richard’s name to made sure
that the hamster was still right there. ‘I thought
you were sleep’ was
what he said almost at every moment Richard answered his call. A moment later
the sight of Richard’s house could be seen from their place. Made the owner of
that house released his grip to check his watch.
They were about twenty minutes
faster than usual. He was really that tired then.
James had
parked his motor right in front of that house’s gate. And after Richard jumped
down and made sure that was nothing he left behind, James
politely refused his mate’s invitation to spent some times in his house and
drove away back to his own house.
Spent the entire night with snoring
on his bed.
# # #
“So, how’s that day?”
“Nothing
special,” said James from afar, who walked to Jeremy with beer on both of his
hand then sat just right in front of him. “Just business,
and nothing else. Well, thanks Lord I came with him or he would screw
everything up.”
Jeremy laughed, “That was a week ago
James. What I mean is two days ago.” His eyes met with James’ then he smug,
“Tell me mate, what was his answer?”
# # #
James woke up when his mobile
vibrated. Still seven in the morning and someone had already need him. With a
single groan that soldier reach out his hand grabbing that phone and glanced
the caller ID with his blurred eyes.
It was Mark.
Got a little wonder, James picked
him up asking with his hoarse voice.
“James, sorry to waking you up.”
“It’s okay mate, is there something
wrong?”
“No, actually, everything is perfect. I just want to say thanks
you had helped him that day.”
“It’s
alright, beside I could had a free holiday with that.” They laughed and James
moved to sat position, “How you
doing?”
“Better, thanks for asking.” Then
suddenly, there was a single shout from behind as Mark finished his sentences,
calling his name and asking who the one he was talking with.
Made James
just still at there waiting for Mark as that man covered the phone to answered the
caller. But then he could heard a noises and the voice from the other ends
replaced by someone he knew very much.
“James,” it
was Richard, “Mate, hi, it’s good
to hear your voice.”
“Oh really, Hammond? We just met
like, what?, five days ago?, and you already missed me?”
“Oh come on mate, you ruined the mood. What are you doing?”
“Nothing, just being raised from the
coma,” he heard Richard laughed, “So, anything you want to say?”
“Well, um, honestly, I’m going to called you this noon to ask if
you have time this evening.”
“You sound
like you are proposing a date with me, dinner?”
“Yeah, well, I’ve tried a new recipe and I want you to taste it.
You don’t mind, do you?”
“I’ll come around seven then.”
“Thanks
mate, I’ll be waiting for you.”
That was
the end of their conversation and James chose to walked in the bathroom. Spent
the entire day in his house and garage wait for the time gone by until this evening.
Not even knew that something big had
gonna happen.
James was sat in front of
his laptop chatting with his friends on field when Jeremy phone him. Just a
random phone call from the doctor when he got boring in the hospital. Back then
it was an old friend who called him this morning to said thanks, and now a
literally ‘old friend’ had calling him to God-know-what he would said.
At first
Jeremy just brought a random topic from Francie to Lily then about his
patients. He never say about Richard until James asked him about an invitation
he just had some hours ago. And surprise for both of
them, the owner of that vineyard didn’t told
Jeremy a single thing about that.
“What do you mean he didn’t told
you?”
“Well, there’s no phone call from that hamster to me and, I
believe, if he phone Francie, she would had told me about that. But, nothing.”
“So it’s just me?”
“If I were you, May, I would be happy with that.” James groaned, “What? Come on, James, you loves him and he loves you back.”
“He isn’t.”
“The dinner?”
“He just need me to tried his new
cook. Nothing else.”
“For God’s sake, James, that’s just an excuse! Believe me you’re
gonna got a laid tonight.”
“God! Clarkson!
Watch your mouth!” James cleared his throat and took a deep breath, “Richard is a straight men, he had
date a woman –“
“And so as you.”
“Listen, please. I don’t want to see
Hammond in that way, he is a man, a friend of mine –“
“Until when?”
“What?”
“Until when you will call him Hammond instead of Richard?” No answer, “Let me guess. You do that to remind you that Richard is a member
of Hammond’s family right? To keep you alert that he is not a member of May’s
family, ever. That’s what you think, right James?”
A paused, “You have my answer.
Listen, Clarkson – ”
“No, you listen to me. I’m not gonna push you to do what I did to
get Francie that time, I’m just, hope, you will understood your own feeling to
him and clear off the mess tonight.”
“I can’t.”
“Just, try James,” and
with that Jeremy said goodbye and closed his phone.
Leaving James with his complicated
mind sat in his father’s work room stared blankly at his laptop’s screen. “I
can’t,” he said.
**
The time had come and James
had already in his Panda driving through the evening right to Richard’s house. He chose to ignoring
Jeremy’s words on his journey, distracted it with listened some instrumental
music from his player or just glanced over the window to watched the cloudy
dark evening sky.
Richard
stood in front of his door as James reach that hamster’s house. He grinning and
half running approaching James to opened the gate and welcomed his mate with a
little hug before guided him to his kitchen.
“I found it from my mother’s book of
recipe. Found out it was one of my favorite, I tried to made one.” He pull a
chair for James then sat on his own, “Not my first, so I’m promised I had
improved the taste.”
James smiled and said thanks before
took a single bite. He went silent for a moment then watched his mate surprised
but satisfied, “It’s great Hammond.”
“Thanks, I’m glad you like it.” They
then spent the rest of the dinner with talking about everything.
It was
James who stood beside Richard when they did the sink after the meal. He washed
and Richard dried it. The hamster kept talking while his hand working not even
notice that James’ mind had already wandered far from his own body. When his
brain called back Jeremy’s word from their conversation this morning, James
couldn’t help from remembering every single thing Richard had done to him. And
as far as he could remember, almost all of them were
indicated that the little hamster was really had a feeling to him.
Was he?
His mind
back to the body when Richard walked away to placed the plates back to it’s rack.
His heart pounding when he weighing the word whether he would
said it or not.
A clear throat was the
beginning, “Richard, there’s something I want to tell you.” He could see the brown
head body freeze a second before turned around to watched him surprised.
“You never called my name before.”
“It’s because of something I want
you to hear.”
“O, okay,”
slowly, Richard walked closer to James until they were just three or four-foot apart, “Tell
me then.”
James
cleared his throat again, “Well, um, I don’t know how to say this to you, but
–“ a clear throat again and his mind cursing from his nervousness, “Please
don’t asked me why this was you or since when it begin or anything like that
‘cause –“ James took a deep breath.
“Because...?”
“Because I
don’t know the answer.” He smiled weakly at Richard before continuing his sentences,
“The only one I know is: I think – no, I feel, that I’m in love with you.”
A silent. There was no answer from
Richard and the little man just stood at there eyeing James with his brown
eyes.
“Rich –“
“I’m sorry.”
James
blinked once at him, and Richard had repeated his sorry again. They stood like
that for another seconds before James laughed softly, “No, it’s okay. I must be the one who
saying sorry in here for scaring you like this.” No answer from Richard. The
shorten man just standing still in front of him avoiding eye contact. After
another moment of silent again, James sighing and stepped backwards, “I’m sorry
for saying those words without thinking about your feeling. In fact I already
know how this things would turn out.”
That made
Richard snapped his head up to watched James. Brown met blue.
A smile
formed on James’ face, bitter but warm, “I’m sorry for..., wasting your time,
just, please, forget it, okay? Pretend this was never happen and we could still remain friend.” He
saw Richard immediately looked away somehow became interested with his own
legs, made him raised his eyebrow mentally saying ‘oh...’ out
loud. “I know it’s disgusting, right? Man love man. And it could be worse that
your own friend is one of that member of people.”
“No,
James! That’s not the reason, I’m just, I, erm...,” Richard bit his lips, not knowing what to answered
him.
“Say it Richard. I’ll take whatever
you want to told me.”
Richard raised his head again more
slowly this time, watching James with his big round eyes questioning, “Why you
so kind to me?”
“You already know my answer.”
He shook his head
lightly, “But, I’m sorry James.”
“It’s okay.”
“No, it’s not.”
A tired sigh slipped out from James’
lips, “Though you’re not love me, Rich, having you as a friend is enough for
me.” James took another step backwards, still with his warm yet bitter smiled
he said, “I hope I didn’t ruined our friendship. Once again, I’m sorry for
wasting your time, or scaring you. Please forget it. Bye Hammond, thanks for
the dinner.”
As that ‘Hammond’ word escaped from James’ lips, somehow Richard could felt
that this was the end. He could felt James’ giving up and his unsaid promised
to buried his feeling to him. Back to friend and brother bussiness
like the old days.
He was
about to called James back but no sound could be formed. It was because of his own doubtless about his
own feeling to James.
James loved me, this far, he thought, and I hurt him, so soon.
A closed-door from afar
made Richard realized that he had shut the door of opportunity.
# # #
“He what?”
James gulped his brown beer, “You
are not deaf Clarkson. He refused me.”
“But, how could that be possible?”
“Well, it prove the he isn’t see me
as the way we see him.”
“No, I’m not. I never see him in
that way. It’s just you I presume.”
“But I
suspect, Jeremy, from he way you accept this condition, until how hard-headed you pushed
me to confess at Hammond, I believe that you see him as the way I see him.”
“I’m not see him in that way, I
swear,” he watched James rolled his eyes, “But, honestly, I never saw him as a
man, ever. For me, he was still a spoiled little brat. Well, until I saw you
met him, my thought about him move from that thing into a teenage girl who had
met their man of dream.”
“You overreached it.”
“No, I’m not. I’m telling you the
truth.” Jeremy took another sip, “So, what happen to him after that?”
“I don’t know, he never contact me
again until now, and I have no right to contact him either.” James raised his
beer and gazed it daydreaming, “I just hoping I didn’t ruined our friendship,
that’s all,” he said then drank it out.
They waved
goodbye not long after that because the weather had changed from shiny-bright
into cloudy and windy. Jeremy joked it with saying that the weather was just
like James’ mood right now.
That soldier then had reach home
just before the rain started to pouring. He placed the key then sat beside the
fireplace, eyes on the sky.
**
Just some minutes before the heavy
rain had started, Richard had climbed on his motorbike and started the engine.
As usual, he said thanks to Mark for his job this day and left the vineyard to
reach home.
It’s been
two days after James confessed to him and his mind couldn’t stop from
remembering that scene. He felt guilty from rejecting James, but he
himself still not sure about his own feeling to that man. He chose to refuse
because he didn’t want James to suffering from their relationship if Richard
was not that in love with him.
He was in
the middle of the trip when the first rain started to fall.
Thankfully though, he had reach his house some minutes later.
Richard
jumped from that Hayabusa and began to looking for his keys. Soaking from the rain
and shivering from the cold, the hamster cursing when he realized he had left
it on top of his table in the office. He sighed hard, kicked the gate and stood
beside his motorbike in annoyed.
There was
two option he could make at this time. Took a shelter in his neighbor’s house, or
ride back to his vineyard to get his keys. But none of them he fancy to did. The thunder crashed as Richard folded his arms hugged his
own body to made him warm. He then reach out his mobile to made a once call to
avoid being struck by the lightning. His mind told him to called Mark so he could
prepare the guest room on his vine for him and spent the night at
there. But his heart begging him to phone James so he could sleep over at his
mate’s house. At least, the second opinion lead him into a better and more
comfortable place than the guest room he had on his vineyard.
But he had
hurt James feeling. Could it be possible the soldier would
welcome him? But he need James’ precence right now. Really did.
A/N: Well, honestly, I’ve had screw everything up in this chapter.
I don’t know if it could satisfied you or not, but I just hope you like it :D
Oh, and of course this is special because I’ve posted the next chapter. Please
read and enjoy, happy reading *wink.
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