A
Top Gear Fan Fiction
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Pairing : JM x
RH, JC x FC
Genre
: Friendship, Romance, Hurt/Comfort
Quotes
: ...and my face wet because of tears. But I’m sure that’s not
Francie’s.
Mirrors
Chapter VIII – Here With Me
Calling
your name in the midnight hour, reaching for you from the endless dream
So
many miles between us now, but you are always here with me
Robot
Koch – Here With Me ft. Susie Suh
A/N:
This chapter is completely just for Hammond. It would full of RH’s letter for James
May. Enjoy :D
May,
What
the hell mate?
I
just, I can’t understand why you left that fast. ‘Cause I remember the last
time you told me, you said that you would stay on here for at least five or six
months. You didn’t even gave me a chance to made a goodbye party for you, that
made me kinda sad you see. Even Francie didn’t know that you had left us. It’s just
Jeremy I’m sure.
Was
there any reason why you did that? Why you didn’t told us about your trip? Why
just Jeremy? Why not me?
I
hope you okay at there.
Mate,
Hammond
May,
I’ve
met Jeremy this evening, at last.
He
told me that you’ve got an emergency call from them. That’s why you left us so
fast and didn’t had a chance to said goodbye to us – me and Francie. But I
hope, at least, you had a time to met me that day. I know you know that I hate
when I saw someone left me like this, but knowing that you were gone before I
had a chance to saw you made it even worse.
It
just didn’t felt right on my mind. Knowing that you were gone and got a news
about that from Jezza didn’t seem quite right for me. Somehow, it’s not felt
complete when I’m not saying goodbye to you, as if as you will leave us
forever.
No,
I hate that idea.
You
won’t left us, right James? You won’t leaved me, right?
When will you come
back? I hope I can see you again.
Mate,
Hammond
**
Dear May,
Francie
saying that Lily began to missed you, and she’s too. When will you come back?
She said that she’s afraid you might gone for more than a years just like
before.
I
believe you won’t do that.
Mate,
Richard
**
Dear May,
Why
you never answering my text? Or accepting my phone? Jezza told me that you do
exactly the same thing at him. I hope your job didn’t hold you to just give us
a damn news about you. Just a simple ‘Hi,
mate. I’m okay on here, I hope you too do well’ is enough for us.
‘Cause
it’s been two months since that day and there’s no news from you. It’s not like
the first time you left us. That time you still kept in touch with us, though,
well, barely. But now? It’s just like you’re completely gone.
Where
are you mate?
Richard
**
Dear James,
I
miss you.
When
will you home so we can drive together like before?
Richard
**
Dear James,
I
had a talk with Jeremy this day. It’s about you, about us.
If
you ask me about the day when you told me that,
then I will said yes I still remember it. Though he didn’t asked me directly, I
believe Jezza was trying to asked me about my feeling, my true feeling about you. But I can’t understand it. I feel comfy
when I’m with you, I miss you when you’re gone, I like it when we spent our
time together. And most of all, I’m happy when you said that you loved me.
Is
that mean that I had a feeling exactly the same as yours? Is that mean that I
love you too?
Somehow,
I began to recall what I’ve done to you after you confess to me. Somehow, I
began to thinking that the real reason why you’re gone was because of me.
I’m sorry and I missed you,
Richard
**
Dear James,
I
had a dream about you this night.
It
was us, just the two of us, sitting at my Porsche’s hood and talking like
always. You told me that you missed your parents, and you missed all of your
past life. The day when you still study medic with Jezza or the day when you
could spent your time with me like before.
Then
you stood up, I couldn’t see your face because of that bloody sunlight, but I
knew you glanced at me and smiled your rarely smile then you said, “I want to
go Hammond. I need my life back. I’m sorry.”
I
just sat at there, though my mind saying that I must hold you, my body just
didn’t move like what I want. You gave me a key then you walked away. Maybe
because that was a dream, somehow I could understand that that means you’ll
never come back anymore.
I
woke up in the middle of the night and crying on my bed.
I
don’t know why, but I’m sure I don’t want to lose you.
I missed you,
Richard
**
Dear James,
It’s
almost half a year after you’re gone.
Jezza
told me that you texted him, finnaly. He showed me your message and that made
me feel kind of..., angry?
Jealous.
Yes,
I was jealous because you texted him instead of me. I’ve tried to called you
but you never answered me, not even my text.
I’m
glad you are okay, I just hope you’ll come back soon.
I missed you,
Richard
**
Dear James,
I’ve
heard them.
I’ve
heard Jezza and Francie talking about you. The real reason why you left. And my
thought was right. All of this is because of me.
I’ve
heard Jezza quoting your setence and, and I’m not sure what I feel right now.
Honestly, my heart hurts when I heard that, all of that. I can’t imagine that
the one who said that was you. I’m sorry James, I really do. I don’t know that
I was act that badly to you. That’s all just, just because I don’t know about
my feeling.
It’s
made me remember my another letter for you. The day when Jezza asked me about
my feeling. It turns out that Jezza was right, I’m already in love with you long
before I’ve realise that.
Please come home, I missed you,
Richard
**
Dear James,
I
went on your house again this morning. The scent is still full of yours, and I
like that. Make me feel you’re still on here, make some pie on your kitchen, or
sitting on your dearest chair with your papper, or just playing your grand
piano.
It
makes me remember about you when I saw that piano.
I
miss your melody. I miss seeing you dance your fingers on those small tuts.
Playing any music which came into your mind randomly. With a smile on your face
and your calm expression that sometimes caugh me off guard.
When
I place my finger on those tuts, I remember the feeling of your fingers on my
own. Your warm body on side of me, or leant forward from behind me to correct my
clumsy fingers. God, I miss you.
And
I’m so ashame for not realising my own feeling from the start.
Sometimes
I’m thinking about that day. Thinking
about what if before you told me that,
I’ve realise my feeling about you? What if I said ‘I love you too’ to you? What
if....
What
if I was the one who doing that instead of you? The one who confessed to you?
Will
all of those things could help me in order to not losing you?
I
love you James, please come back.
I
slept on your bed when I went there. I didn’t meant to did that. The things I
remember was just I walked around your house then ended up on your bedroom.
Then next minute I was laying on top of your bed, and your scent had drown me
into a warm slumber.
I’m
not crying, but my tears fell off when I woke up. I don’t know why.
I missed you,
Richard
**
Dear James,
It’s
so hard for me to spent my days without you.
I missed you,
Richard
**
Dear James,
I
dreamed about you again. And I thought you were death.
There’s
some soldier had come into your house when I was there. They gave me a letter,
just like what happen when they came for your father. They said that you’ve
been killed when you tried to save your coleage. A heroic fall for a soldier.
And your body will come a day from then.
I
cried out loud that time. I’ve never thought that you will completely leave me
and never come back anymore. I cried in front of your body which laying
peacefully inside your coffin. Complete with your uniform and your calm face.
And
I can’t help myself from kissing you.
I
can still feel your lips on my own, so soft but cold. There’s no soul at there,
‘cause you were gone, leave me, Jeremy and Francie alone. Knowing that for a
lifetime we will never see you again.
I
woke up with tears on my face and hopelessly continuing my cry for you. It was
all maybe because of the letter Jeremy gave me. Yesterday he told me everything.
Please be safe, I missed you
Richard
**
Dear James,
Please
tell me that they are wrong.
Please
James, I beg you. There’s no way you have an accident, right? I believe you are
okay. Still talking, walking, breathing. Please James, please, be safe. I can’t
face the thruth if you really has gone. Please don’t leave me.
I
love you James. Please don’t leave me just after I’ve realising my feeling. I’m
sorry for being so stupid, for hurting your feeling, for made you left without
a word.
I
can’t life without you.
Please be safe,
Richard
**
Dear James,
Jezza
told me.
You
really had an accident. I don’t know what had happen after Jezza told me that.
Am I crying? Pass out? Silent? Freaking out? I can’t remember. I just felt so
numb after heard that news. It’s just like someone had murdered me then let my
body alive for nothing.
The
thing I remember is Francie hugged me, and my face was wet because of tears.
But I’m sure that’s not Francie’s.
Francie
told me that you’ll came home because Jeremy and she decide to move you in
London Hospital for your own good, your family – us – is in here. And Jeremy
will be your personal doctor.
I
promise James, for the rest of my life, I will take care of you. Night and day,
everytime, I will always beside you. That’s not just because I love you, but
you already has become the part of my life. You’re the one who always there
when I need something. Even though I never say it, you always understand what I
want and what I need. I’m so blind for not realising your pure feeling to me.
I’m sorry James. Thanks for loving this numpty clown, I’m sorry, and I will
give all of my life and love just for you.
I love you,
Richard
A/N: If you confused, let’s just
presume that Hammond had write this letter somewhere in the chapter VII, ‘cause
honestly, there’s a lot of scene in the previous chapter that I didn’t write
but I mention in this chapter. Yes, I know it’s complicated and please do
forgive me about that. But I hope you enjoy it as well. See you next chapter
and love you people *wink*
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