A Top Gear Fan Fiction
Pairing
: JM x RH, JC x FC
Genre : Friendship, Romance, Hurt/Comfort
Quotes : “Why don’t we eat our dinner in peace and forgetting what had happen?”
Mirrors
Chapter
V – Already Gone
You
know that I love you so
I
love you enough to let you go
Kelly Clarkson – Already Gone
So instead of Mark, he dialed James’ number.
His shaking hand kept
holding on to his mobile until the fourth ring he could heard from there. James
picking him up.
**
Far across
from Richard’s place, James standing beside his window, watching as the thunder-storm down and the
wind blowing hard side by side with the rain. It’s not very often he didn’t do
anything in Sunday evening. Sometimes he just spent most of his time on a local
bar just like what he had done with Clarkson, or just sitting in front of his laptop
continuing his novel when there’s no friend from field he could contact.
Though his mind wandering around, he
trying so hard to not open up again the exact memories he had just two days
ago, when he said those words to his best mate, Richard Hammond. James’ shocked
his head and sighed.
That was when his phone buzzing
behind him.
James walked moving passed his sofa and grabbed his mobile. Glared a suspicious glare at the ID which pop up from his screen.
Richard Hammond.
He stopped
his finger to press that device’s button, considered he would accept it or not.
The memory of Richard stood still in front of him saying that words repeated
again in his mind, made him decide to rejected it and went to the
kitchen to made a pie or something. But on the
other hand, deep inside his heart, a place
where he still kept warm his feeling for this man, told him to take it because
of something he could felt didn’t seem quiet right.
“May.”
“James? Oh, thanks God. It’s Richard, are you at home?”
“Erm..., yes?” He glance at the clock
and moved to window. Six thirty in the evening, hard rain. “What’s wrong
Hammond?”
“Uh, can I go to your place? I –“ a thunder crash. “I can’t
home right now.”
James frowned when he heard the
sound behind Richard’s voice, it seems like he was outside in the middle of the
rain. “Where are you?”
“I’m home, but I can’t get inside. Left keys behind.”
“What!? But how?”
“Long story, please James, can I go to your place?”
“Yes, yeah, of course. Need to
picking you?”
“No, thanks, I’m on my motor, I’ll come later. Thanks James.”
“Any time.” After he closed his
phone, James walked into the kitchen to boiling some water and made some hot
cocoa wich he sure as much Richard would loved that like the old days.
But minutes had passed. James glance
at his watch and found it’s almost an hour after Richard called him. A frowned
could be seen on his forehead as he thought about how long Richard’s ride from
his house.
Then later
on, just between the thunder crashing, he could heard someone knocking on his
door. He shout coming and half run to the front door. Opening that white slice of lumber
only to found his mate stood shivering from the rain.
He
grinning with his puppy eyes whispering, “Hi James,” from his trembling lips.
“God, Hammond, come in.” He closed
the door and walked pass Richard, “Take off your jacket and shoes, wait here,”
then half running again towards the bathroom and came back later with a white,
soft, fluffy and big warm towel.
Big enough to wrapped Richard’s
torso and made him warm.
“Come on Hammond, I’ve made you
something,” said James. He grabbed his mate’s shoulder and drove him into the
kitchen, placed him on a chair and served with a hot cocoa.
“Thanks mate,” he said as he placed
both of his hands on that mug, warming it.
“Next time if something like this
happens again, just stop for shelter and I will pick you up.”
“But I don’t want to trouble you.”
James sighed, he leant on a cupboard folded his arms watching his mate,
“But at least I wouldn’t saw you shivering in cold like this.” They stared at
each other for a moment then looked away when James moved slighty forward.
“Where are you going?”
“Grab some
clothes, you need to changes or you’ll get cold.” He walked out the kitchen in
silent but smiled when he caught Richard whispering another
thank you.
A complete
numb mind James felt when he walked upstairs. It’s not because his mind too
complicated to processed what the hell had happened. He just choose to didn’t felt anything.
Though there’s a lot of question he need to asked, he just kept shut his mouth
and acted like nothing had ever happened before.
And he
knew it would kill his heart, he knew it’s not safe for his own good. But at
least he knew this was better for their relationship – no, their friendship.
Some minutes passed after James
leaved Richard alone in his kitchen. Still shivering but not bad as before. The
towel felt so good above his skin, making contact with his coldness, smell of
James’ house and somehow it’s made him comfortable.
The only
thing that made him a little bit uncomfortable was James’ attitude. Still accepting and
treating him like usual though what was he had done to him two days ago. Like
that was never happened before.
Richard placed his mug on a table
along with his hands and head. Burying his face on arms, sighing. James was so
kind, always so kind to
him. Though they’re not a childhood friend and had
been separated just after knowing at each other for a few years, James
always treat him like an old friend or a brother. That’s one of the part of
James May that Richard liked. And he felt guilty for hurting him.
A light footstep could be heard a
moment after. When Richard lifted up his head, he saw James watched him in
concern.
“What?”
“You okay? Headache?”
“No, I’m fine. Thanks for asking.”
He smiled but then sighing when James kept his suspicious eyes, “James, really,
I’m fine. Just, tired maybe.”
“Then get changes and rest,” he
placed his clothes in front of Richard, “Just hope it could fit on you.”
A giggle escaped from Richard’s lips
as he stood up and grabbed those clothes on his chest, grinning he said, “You
know what, James? Yours will always fit with mine,” then walked away.
James blinked then scoffed, ‘Funny enough,’
he thought.
**
Richard
came out not long after, fresh and warm, with James’ T-Shirt and jeans which a
little too big for him, approaching James who did the dishes. He stood in the door frame waiting
James for aware his appearance and smiled when the taller man turned over
then raised his eyebrow.
“Not as fit as you thought, huh?”
“Well, just a little, but it is
comfortable for me.”
“Glad you like that.” James moved
from one place to another, “Dinner’s ready in minute, just please wait, watch
telly or something then I will call you.”
“Still refuse me to help, then?”
A paused,
“No,” he glance at Richard and smirked, “Just can’t help but remembering you
ruined my kitchen every time you came here.”
“Oh, apparently you grudge me, huh?”
“Well, you
can ruined my life but not my house,” he answered with a light laugh.
What James
had said stabbing exactly at his heart. He’s just kidding, Richard knew that,
he always said that in the past when Jeremy or him messing around James’ house.
But for now, after what was happened back then, James’ words felt a little
bit different for him.
Obviously,
James was realized that too because he turned around watching his mate with
his shocked yet apologetic face. “Hammond, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to – I,
that’s not what I mean. Well, you know, I –“
“I know
James, it’s okay. I, erm..., I will wait you
in living room then.”
A pregnant
pause hung up in the air as these two watching at each other. James finally answered him with a
single nod and turned his back to his colleague continuing his job. Not even missing Richard’s movement
when this brown eyes man whispering sorry and bit his lips in guilty.
**
They had
the dinner like usual, facing each other across the table and shared some
life story. Some came from Richard’s vineyard but most of all was about James’
daily life as an army, Richard insist it.
But it didn’t mean that they just
eat dinner and pretending nothing had happen. It was James the first who took
the step to clear off the mess. Instead of calling him from the kitchen, he
walked to Richard approaching him with a warm smiled saying, “Dinner’s ready,
come on Hammond, I’ve made your favorite supper,” and didn’t left until Richard
stood up to walked following him.
Richard
still kept his silent from when James served him until he sat just across the table,
he even barely touched his meal that time. Still feeling uneasy, Richard just
sat at there lowering his head and took a little bite of James’ cooking.
It was until the older bloke called his name made both of
them starring in the eyes.
“Why? You don’t like that?”
“No, nothing, it’s fine. I liked it.”
“Then eat, I don’t want you to get
cold.”
“Okay.”
Another silent. The atmosphere went
heavy as neither both of them talked about something, and James was over the
edge to kept bad emotion like this. So, he opened his mouth to said something
he hope it could settle down everything. “Look, Hammond, let’s just drop it,
okay?”
“Pardon?”
He sighed but smiled, “What was
happened in the past is just the past. I heard you saying sorry earlier. I
don’t want to make you guilty for what I did. It’s my fault, my mistake,
not yours.”
“But James, I’ve hurt you.”
“No you don’t, you just did what
ordinary people would do. And I must thanked you for accepting me as your
friend again. See? You’re totally innocent.”
“James, why are you always this kind
to me?”
No answer, James gulped then tear
off his gaze as he bit his lips for a moment, but then he raised his head to
saying, “Why don’t you tell me about your day?”
Richard
blinked once at him, then twice. The expression he had changed from confused to
disbelieve then angry, “James, you didn’t –“
“Hammond,” He silent him, “Just drop
this conversation, please,” a pleading face from him, “Why don’t we eat our
dinner in peace and forgetting what had happen?”
“But –“
“For us, – I mean, not us, as ‘us’.
But us, the two of us.”
“Us.”
“Right. If you continue to think
you’ve made a mistake to me, please do what I ask for just this once and then
let’s say I’ve forgive you, okay?”
“You mean..., to redeem myself?” He
got a single nod and another warm smiled, “James, I, I don’t know....”
“Then let me help you. So say, what
were –“
“That’s not what I mean.“
“ – you doing in your vineyard this
morning?” James continued ignoring Richard’s complaint.
They
stared for a moment accidentally making glaring contest with James as the
winner after Richard sighed. “One of my
worker had a baby today.”
“Oh that’s good. And then?”
“James, are you sure –“
“Have you visit them?”
“No, – James, really, are you –“
“That’s not good Hammond, though
they just a worker, you must treat them well.”
At this time, Richard raised his
eyebrow, “You ever told me that before.”
“Do I?”
“Yeah, if
I’m not wrong, it was when one of my worker get sick, an old lady from
planting section. I’m forget about the detail, but as I remember, you told me
to visit her that day.”
“Oh, I must be forget about
that.”
And that
was the beginning of this warm dinner inside James’ kitchen under the heavy
rain. It seems after that conversation, Richard never brought up those topic
again, instead he insisted James to told him about the battlefield.
“Well,
often people talked about war, that’s a lot of, sort of romantic ideas. The truth is no. War
is not a novel, not anything romantic. Innocent people get hurt, as the way it
is. Many great soldier lost their life just for something they told to do. A
son, a brother, a father for their own family. But the worse is,” he stared
deep inside his mate’s eyes and smiling weakly, “Though you don’t know, about when or how.... But
you will sure there’s always a big chance for you to die.”
Richard gulped, he watched James
looked away broke their stared and continuing to eat. Cautiously, Richard
opened up his mouth to asked something he’d already know the answer. “Have you
ever lost your friends, James?”
That question made James’ movement
stopped in the middle, he went silent and stared blankly at his supper, “Many
times, Hammond. Many times.”
**
Another sighed and James
stood up beside Richard’s motorike.
He wiped a
single sweat, folded his arms eyeing now-clean Hayabusa then
grinning, satisfied by his own work. James had left Richard alone in his living
room watching a program about three middle-age man cocking about cars in a
hangar – unless today was an Africa special, to clean his mate’s motor after
being showered in the heavy rain.
The garage
now become more crowded after he brought in that Hayabusa wich now standing
proudly just next to his Daytona. When he saw these two motorcycles, a memories
of them rode together to a random place replayed again and again. But he just
perceived it with a weak smile as that thought resound in his head. ‘Everything’s not the same anymore’.
When James
came in his living room, he found a soft sound yet bright television with
Richard laying on the couch. Sleeping soundly with a remote in his hand. He must be tired after
work late on his vine then riding under the heavy rain. But then James cursed as he
remembered about his only bedroom.
There’s
three bedroom in James’ house, his own, his parent’s, and one for a guest. But
since he was alone living on here, there must be two empty
bedroom. And what it’s mean empty, it was literally empty. Well,
except for a bed, a table and a chair which now covered with plastic in each
rooms.
So, the
only conclusion was he must moved Richard in his own bedroom which mean he
must sleep on a couch. No problem.
Slowly,
James turn off that telly and woke up his mate with a single touch on shoulder
and quiet whisper. Made Richard squirmed a little and groaned
annoyed.
“Hammond, wake up, you need to
move.”
“Um, no,” he groaned again.
“Come on mate,” no reply from
Richard. James just stood at there with arms on his waist, watching this little
bloke curled on his sofa ignoring him. “I know you’re that sleepy, but don’t
make me force you.”
Richard answered him with mumbled
something James didn’t quiet caught. It’s just something about walked and tired
he only heard. And then another silent.
After
sighing considered he must do it or not, James finally bend down and saying something to his mate, “If you really
that tired, then I will help you,” no answer. “Face me Hammond.”
At this time Richard rolled over and
found James’ face closed up to his. But he still silent waiting for James’
another instruction.
“Come on, give me your hand,” he
did, and James swung it over his shoulder, “Get a grab Hammond, I’m going to
lift you.” As he felt Richard’s hands grabbing around his neck, James placed
each of his own under Richard’s back and legs then lifted him up without
difficult. And what James was tought was right, Richard was not that heavy for
him. He just..., fit.
A yawn escaped from Richard’s mouth
when he placed his brown head next to James’. Not even aware his breath had
tickled the taller man’s neck. “How could you did that?” he asked half sleepy.
“What?”
“Lifted me
without struggling.”
“Well,
lets say..., most of my friends are heavier than you.” He walked upstairs on his own
bedroom, but stopped from opened his door when Richard asked him again.
“Are you
also lifted them with this position?”
“Sometimes,” he opened it, “Why? You
jealous?” no answer from Richard and James put him down on that bed. “Kidding
mate, now go to sleep.” He left Richard alone by walking pass his door but he
stopped in the middle to said, “I’m on the couch if you need something,
goodnight mate,” then closed it.
As he
heard James’ footsteps disappeared, Richard sighed and rolled over, facing his
back on that door. His mind was empty when he held tight James’ pillow, but
when his eyes closed, James’ word replayed again.
‘Sometimes. Why? You jealous?’
And that made Richard’s eyes opened
again. He sighed for the last time before closed his eyes again into a deep
slumber, mumbled something on his pre-sleeping.
“Yes, I am.”
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